I’m on my idle office moments again, so I decided to clean up my yahoo mail. I was about to click “delete all” for my sent items when an e-mail of the same title caught my attention. I opened it and read it once again, I remember the first time I read it, I was on the verge of tears. This is not the first time that I saw myself or my situation somehow parallel to a story going around cyberspace but there is one paragraph here that made me realize that maybe I am my own version of Bea in my very own version of “Best Version of You”. So let me again, as always, post the article here to share it with you. I don’t know if this is a true to life story but I know it’s possible that someone out there has been or is currently in this situation, so here it is:
The Best Version of You
>
> Manila International Airport, 2:00 am. It’s
> been two years since she
> had last seen the Manila International Airport.
> Not much has changed.
> Her last memory of this airport was when Miguel
> dropped her off. She
> was on her way to New York to pursue a career
> in Wall Street.
>
> “Promise me something will you? Please don’t
> get married until I come
> back?” She jokingly told him as she lifted up
> her backpack.
>
> “LOL. Very funny. Ikaw ang mag-promise. Promise
> me you won’t run off
> with some nerdy economist in the next two
> years.”
>
> “Let’s see, shall we. Bye, Miguel. I’ll call
> you as soon I get to New York.”
>
> That was her last memory in this place. The
> warm Manila air made her
> feel a bit restless and yet she feels excited.
> This is the first time
> in two years she’ll be seeing Miguel again. She
> was thoughtfully going
> through the immigration counters, thinking of
> how much she missed
> seeing Miguel. How different would he be now?
> Sure he sends her
> regular weekly e-mails and pictures but being
> the busy person that she
> had always been, she didn’t get the time to
> chat with him and buy a
> webcam.
>
> She’s finally out. “Where is Miguel?” She
> wondered. “Ah there!” she
> exclaimed when she saw the silver gray Nissan
> Patrol parked near the
> exit. TGW926. Yup, that’s Miguel alright. Her
> heart was leaping ahead
> of her as the driver got off.
>
> “Hey! I missed you!” He said, as he hugged her.
>
> “I missed you too. So much.” She said, as she
> hugged him back. It was
> warm. It felt good to be back. It felt great to
> feel his hug.
>
> “Let me get those.” He said pointing at her
> luggage. “Then we’ll have
> more time for hugging and chika.”
>
> “Okay.”
>
> Edsa, 4:30 am. Miguel’s cellphone rings. Mama,
> the name flashes on the
> screen.
>
> “You should really get that.”
>
> “No, you should get that. She’s been waiting
> for you. She insist that
> we go straight to her after I pick you up form
> the airport. She also
> insist that you spend tomorrow with her.”
> Miguel was talking about her
> mother. Miguel was an only child and his mother
> wanted a daughter. She
> would often tell Bea that since she doesn’t
> have a mom anymore, she
> should let Tita Doris be her second mom. She
> loved Bea as if she were
> her own daughter.
>
> “Hello? Yes, Tita. How are you nap po?… ah
> opo. Miguel already told
> me. Sige po. Okay po. I’ll see you later.” She
> turns off the phone and
> looks out the window. The phone rings again,
> this time the name
> “Sugar” flashes on the screen. Hmmm, “Sugar.”
> He was quick. He got a
> hold of the phone and answered it. “Hello.
> Yeah. Pauwi na. I’m with
> her na. Yeah. Tomorrow, I will. Promise. We’ll
> see you tomorrow.”
>
> We? Is that supposed to mean me and him? See
> Sugar? Who is Sugar,
> anyway? “Who was that?” she couldn’t keep
> herself from asking. “Sugar
> ha?”
>
> “I’ll introduce her tomorrow. Uwi muna tayo sa
> bahay. By the way,
> kamusta na si Edward?” “Edward?”
>
> “Oo, si Edward, naalala mo yung boyfriend na
> iniwan mo sa New York?
> Anong klase ka ba namang girlfriend? Kaya hindi
> kita niligawan eh.
> Baka makalimutan mo rin ako.”
>
> “Ah si Edward. Hayun. Nasa New York.” Miguel
> has met Edward when he
> came to New York to give Bea a surprise visit.
> He seems a nice guy.
> Not the geeky economist Miguel pictured Bea
> would end up with. He is
> actually a cool guy and loves Bea a lot.
>
> “He called me up, a week ago, asking a lot of
> things about you. Parang
> may balak ata…”
>
> “Balak na?”
>
> “Tell me, did he propose to you? He sounded
> like he was going to
> propose to you kasi.”
>
> “Ah look, here we are at Tita Doris.”
>
> At Tita Doris’, 4:45 am. A pleasantly plump
> woman enters the living
> room. She was in her mid-fifties, a familiar
> warm smile and two open
> arms. She welcomed Bea, gave her a big hug and
> kissed her on the
> cheek. “Hay anak, kamusta ka na? Na-miss na
> kita. Pinakain ka ba nito
> si Miguel?”
>
> “Opo, Tita.” She looked around. Not much has
> changed in this house.
> She remembers spending her college days in this
> house. She remembers
> sinking into Tita Doris’ arms when her mom
> died. She remembers only
> good things about this woman. She can’t
> remember a time when she had
> been unkind to her and yes, she loves her like
> her own mother.
>
> “Iha, sabihan mo nga yang si Miguel. Sabihin mo
> ‘wag padalos-dalos
> magdesisyon.”
>
> “Po?”
>
> “Mama naman. Let Bea rest. I’ll tell her
> everything tomorrow.” Miguel
> interrupted his mother before she can spill the
> beans.
>
> “Ha? What was that all about?” Bea was curious.
>
> “Bukas na lang.”
>
> “Okay. Tita, if it’s okay I’ll go rest now.”
> She hugged her, and
> proceeded to climb the stairs. Miguel followed
> her carrying her
> luggage.
>
> “Alam mo I missed this house. Uy sino ba si
> Sugar? Tsaka bakit parang
> worried nanay mo sa iyo?”
>
> “Bukas na. Sugar is having lunch here.”
>
> “Hmmm, intriguing, pero sige. Bukas na.” They
> were both standing as
> the door to the guest room. “Alam mo, it’s
> really good to be back in
> this house. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
>
> Tita Doris’ 10:00 am. She woke up, sunlight
> flooding her bedroom. She
> was able to rest. She got up, arranged the bed
> sheets and took a nice,
> cold shower. Minutes later, she was down at the
> garden having brunch
> with Tita Doris.
>
> “Hi! Tita. Where is Miguel?”
>
> “Sinundo si Sugar.”
>
> “Sino ba yang Sugar na yan? Nai-intriga na
> ako.”
> “Iha, I’ll let Miguel tell you who Sugar is.
> Promise me something,
> though. Whatever happens you’ll always be my
> daughter, Bea?”
>
> She felt scared. Why was Tita Doris suddenly
> serious? “Opo naman.”
>
> “Anyway, iha. I heard from Miguel your
> boyfriend sounded like he was
> going to propose a week ago. Did he propose?”
>
> Bea looked at her hands, bare of any engagement
> ring. She looked at
> Tita Doris and smiled. Before she could answer,
> Miguel showed up. With
> him is a woman she had not seen before. She was
> of medium frame,
> shoulder length hair and looked very feminine.
>
> “Sugar, the sister I never had, Bea. Bea,
> Sugar, my fiancée`.” It felt
> as if somebody had thrown cold water on her.
> His what? Blood rushed to
> her head. She blushed. Her cheeks felt very
> warm. She couldn’t
> swallow. Her heart beating a hundred beats per
> minute.
>
> “Your what?” She looked at Miguel, blushing
> then suddenly white as
> with shock. “I’m sorry, Sugar but this is quite
> a surprise. Miguel has
> never mentioned you in any of his e-mails,” she
> said as she looked at
> Sugar with a confused look. She looked at Tita
> Doris, she looked back
> as if she was consoling her.
>
> “Yeah, I got engaged. I’m keeping my promise.
> I’m getting married on
> Saturday. O di ba you’re here so in essence
> I’ve kept my promise.”
>
> She managed to smile faintly. She hugged Miguel
> and congratulated him.
> She even managed to tell Sugar “You got a catch
> here, girl. Take good
> care of him or else I will snatch him under
> your nose.” It sounded as
> if she was just joking, turning over a very
> important possession to
> it’s next owner. In the deepest recesses of her
> person, she knew she
> meant it.
>
> “He told me a lot of nice things about you.”
> Sugar said, smiling at
> her as if they had been friends for the longest
> time.
>
> “I’m sure he has.”
>
> Lunch was served. All of Bea’s favorite
> Filipino dishes. She and Sugar
> spent time chatting the afternoon away, looking
> at Bea’s and Miguel’s
> college photos and yearbooks. She found out
> that Sugar likes most of
> the things she does. They both came from the
> same high school. As she
> tried to get to know Sugar better during their
> afternoon chat, she
> realized that not only was she perfect for
> Miguel, she also seemed
> like the best gal pal Bea could find. They
> talked about the wedding
> details, the dress, the ring, the shoes, the
> tiara. They like almost
> the same places, the same styles, the same
> shops. She told Sugar they
> should do shopping marathon together. Had it
> been another day, she
> would be telling herself that this is really a
> great opportunity to
> find someone who understands her shopping
> needs. Except that this is
> not one of those days… Except that this
> woman, this perfect,
> feminine girlfriend was Miguel’s fiancée`.
>
> Bea’s phone rings. The name Boyfriend flashes.
>
> “You should really get that” Sugar told Bea.
>
> “Yeah, I guess I should. Hello? Yes? I’m good.
> I’m here at Miguel’s.
> Oh I have in front of me Sugar, Miguel’s
> fiancée`.” The words almost
> got stuck in her throat, but she still managed
> to give Sugar a smile.
> “Listen, I’ll call you later. I have very good
> news for you.”
>
> Miguel sat down beside Bea. Sugar was looking
> at them and asked “So
> tell me? Was there never a time the two of you
> were more than
> Platonic?” Bea and Miguel looked at each other
> then looked at their
> own hands. Miguel’s gaze turned to Sugar. He
> answered “Of course not.
> Bea and I were never like that.”
>
> “As in?” Sugar inquired.
>
> “LOL, oo naman. She was a handful. Too much to
> handle for me. I can’t
> keep up with her. She never stands still.”
> Miguel looked at Bea and
> smiled, his eyes turning into slits as his
> dimples gloriously show.
>
> “I guess that’s the way it is for you. But not
> for Edward.” Bea replied,
> with a little hint of disappointment.
>
> “Well, Edward is tough enough.” Miguel was
> still smiling.
>
> “Wait, speaking of Edward. I need to call him.”
>
> Bea left the garden and went up to her room to
> call Edward. “Hello?
> Edward. Here goes. Yes. The answer is Yes.”
>
> *********
>
> The wedding went well. It was one of the most
> elegant weddings she had
> seen. Sugar had everything covered and she was
> a very beautiful,
> blushing bride.
>
> “I, Miguel, take you, Sugar, as my friend and
> love, beside me and
> apart from me, in laughter and in tears, in
> conflict and tranquility,
> asking that you be no other than yourself, love
> what I know of you,
> trusting what I do not know yet, in all the
> ways that life may find
> us.”
>
> Bea felt a stab of pain hitting her heart. She
> slowly got up, walked
> away from the spectators. Tears streaming down
> her flushed cheeks.
>
> **********
>
> Bea is once again on her way to the airport.
> Miguel is driving for
> her, this time with a wedding ring on his left
> finger.
>
> “Hay, here we go again. I’m driving you to the
> airport. Kailan na
> naman kaya tao magkikita?”
>
> “Ewan ko. Tell me something,” her tone all too
> serious. “What was it
> that you love about Sugar? How did you know she
> was the one?” Miguel
> just smiled. “Dali na ano? Malay mo I need to
> decide in a couple of
> days di ba?”
>
> “You know what I love about her? The same
> things I loved about you
> before. The only difference is that she’s not
> as ambitious as you are.
> When you left for New York two years ago, I
> knew I don’t have a place
> in the life you’ve chosen. I don’t blame you
> for that. You’re good in
> your field and I thought to myself that it’s
> your right to move on
> without me. Moving away was a decision you made
> for yourself. I know
> this sounds silly and you might nag me about it
> but I found the better
> version of you in Sugar. She’s so much like you
> in so many ways but
> the only difference is she loves me more than
> you do.”
>
> She wanted to cry the tears she had kept as he
> witnessed him say his
> vows, but kept her composure. She just chuckled
> a laugh. How could he
> move on without her? Why was it easy for him
> and not for her? As she
> got off the car, she gave Miguel one last hug.
> This time she felt her
> heart heavy.
>
> “I guess this is goodbye?” she told Miguel.
>
> “Wait, I’m not letting you out until you answer
> question. Did Edward
> propose?”
>
> Bea showed Miguel her left hand. In it was a
> one carat diamond
> solitaire ring set in platinum. “Yes.”
>
> Miguel let out a sigh and congratulated her. As
> Miguel turned his gaze
> from the steering wheel to Bea’s face, he saw a
> single tear fall from
> her right eye and then she said, “If it gives
> any consolation. Edward
> is the best version of you that I can find in
> New York.”
I’m a handful, I’m too much to handle, I’m not the type who’ll just sit in one corner, I’m ambitious, maybe, this is how he thinks about me, I’m not sure if I’m reading the hints right. I am not looking for the best version of him, or may be I am but I am unaware. With him, I’m not sure if he’s looking for the best version of me, someone less ambitious, someone easier to handle. The forever could have beens, the frozen state of what ifs, I am tired of writing the same old sentiments but I can’t help it, I need to unload what’s crowding my mind. I can’t promise that this will be my last article, for as I said, I can’t help it.
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